just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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