well I can't set my house on fire every night
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Pants are for mortals
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
