My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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