I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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