i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
