it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
