I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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