I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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