He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
