So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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