Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
