Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
