Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
operation harelip BJ is a go
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
