No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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