Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
