new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
