three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
