Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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