Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
