I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
