So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I checked into jail on foursquare
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
