So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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