hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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