Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Drunk is not a location!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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