I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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