I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
