i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
