A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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