Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
