maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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