If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
tell me about the fingering
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
