I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
