i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
