Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
