youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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