We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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