new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
