I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
