i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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