Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
