ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
