you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
