Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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