remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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