Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
