either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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