I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
