frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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