Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Your cock deserves a montage
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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