I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
